and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
