I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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