I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
