im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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