We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
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Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
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So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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