Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
