Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
