Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
FUCK WHALES
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