mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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