Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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