PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My dick has a subreddit
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Why did my mother make you get naked?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
