happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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