break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
All I want is dick and wine.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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