Swine flu. Run for my life!
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
