i jhust puked up my retainher.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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