My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
