This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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