Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Holy shit dude........stairs
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