i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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