im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
