i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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