thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
