My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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