I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
