Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
FUCK WHALES
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