Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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