This house was built for laser tag.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
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Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
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do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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