My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Randomize
