WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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