Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize
