Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
babies were throwing up all over the place
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
