He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
