I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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