using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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