Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
