i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
