Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
