On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
