I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
as a side note pls kill me
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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