Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I feel like abortions should bother me more
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
