I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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