Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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