We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize