I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Come on in and take your pants off
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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