I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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