So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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