Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
