Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
