i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
