we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
