I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
