Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
