So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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