You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
