Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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