We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
