Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
