Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
