He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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