On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
