one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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