Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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