I think I won the penis lottery.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I got her a Nickelback box set.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
