I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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