It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
