i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
