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You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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