That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I think my moral compass just broke
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
