I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
