she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
