We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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