are you still at the devil's house?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
